Change is a constant, but for a young person, it can feel less like a natural transition and more like a seismic shift. When the floor beneath you starts to move- whether due to a house move, a change in schools, or the daunting leap from education to employment- the world suddenly feels unpredictable.
As Medium state, “The human brain is wired to seek predictability. When something disrupts our established routine or environment, the brain perceives it as a threat. This is because the brain’s primary function is to protect us from danger, and anything unknown feels like a potential risk.”
As a result, in these moments of uncertainty, the sense of losing control can be overwhelming.
This is where mentoring steps in, not as a mapmaker, but as an anchor, providing the stability needed to weather the storm and eventually develop the skills to sail through it.
The Weight of Uncertainty on Developing Identities
For adults, change can be stressful enough as a logistical hurdle. For young people, the impact of change is existential. At a stage in life where identity is still being forged, external stability acts as a scaffolding. When that scaffolding is removed, the shock is profound.
The Loss of Control:
Psychology Today reported how, “When we feel in control of our lives, we experience a sense of agency, which in turn fosters autonomy. This triad of control, autonomy, and agency is essential for maintaining good mental health.”
Adolescence is a period defined by a growing desire for autonomy. When major life changes are thrust upon a young person, such as moving to a new area, that autonomy is stripped away. They didn’t choose the move; they didn’t choose to leave their friends. This can lead to a sense of helplessness that then permeates other areas of life.
The Identity Crisis of ‘Newness’:
Identity is often mirrored back to us by our social circles. Moving to a place where no one knows your name, your jokes, or your history can feel like becoming invisible. Without that social mirror, young people can struggle to ground themselves in who they actually are.
As Andrea Hussong observed, “Young adults are still developing a sense of identity, which comes through learning about ourselves through different social contexts and relationships. New world views come into play as we meet people who think in new ways or don’t share our experiences. In college, many of these contexts change all at once, and that can be challenging.”
The Hidden Hurdles:
Uncertainty is magnified tenfold when there are unmet or undiagnosed needs. Young Minds recognise that, “A child or young person may also find change more difficult if they are already struggling with other things, such as anxiety, low-mood, problems at school or self-esteem issues.”
Similarly, for a neurodivergent young person, for example, the sensory and cognitive load of a “new normal” can be physically and mentally exhausting. Without a diagnosis or the right support, they may blame themselves for struggling to “cope” as well as their peers, leading to a spiralling of self-esteem.
Mentoring: A Connection Point in the Chaos
Mentoring – whether through a peer, a school programme, or a community initiative – offers a unique solution because it isn’t about “fixing” the young person. It is about building connection.
1. A Relatable Perspective
Peer mentors, in particular, offer the powerful gift of shared experience. Hearing from someone their age or a couple of years older that they also felt like an outsider when they moved, or that they also struggled with the transition to university, validates the mentee’s feelings. It shifts the narrative from “I am failing” to “This is a difficult phase, and it is temporary.”
2. Rebuilding Social Capital
A mentor acts as a bridge. In a new environment, the social landscape can be impossible to navigate alone. A community mentor can introduce a young person to local groups, hobbies, or safe spaces, helping them form the connections that eventually lead to a renewed sense of belonging.
3. Uncovering the “Why”
Mentors often have the time and the outside perspective that busy parents or teachers might lack. Through consistent, low-pressure conversation, a mentor might be the first person to spot that a young person isn’t just ‘unruly’ or ‘shy,’ but perhaps struggling with an undiagnosed challenged such as ADHD or anxiety. By flagging these unmet needs early, the mentor helps the young person access the specific tools they need to feel safe.
Empowerment Through Agency
The most vital element of mentoring during times of change is the restoration of control. Unlike many professional relationships where the adult holds the power, a healthy mentoring dynamic is mentee-led. The mentor doesn’t tell the young person what to do; instead, they provide a secure base.
By providing a grounded, non-judgemental space, mentors allow young people to explore their options. Whether it’s deciding which extracurricular club to join or how to handle a difficult conversation at school, the mentee makes the choice. This incremental reclaiming of agency is what builds true resilience.
Think of it like a car where the young person is behind the wheel, with the mentor in the passenger seat holding the map and providing encouragement to keep driving.
Embracing the Unknown
Ultimately, a mentor serves as a living testament that things do get better. They hold the hope for the young person until the young person is ready to hold it for themselves.
Through mentoring, uncertainty and change stop being things to fear and start being spaces and opportunities for discovery. When a young person feels safe and supported, they don’t just survive the change- they begin to embrace the opportunities that lie on the other side of it.
Explore Youth Mentor Training.