In our professional lives, we are often coached to present a polished veneer. We curate our LinkedIn profiles to highlight successes, we practice “star” techniques for interviews to frame weaknesses as hidden strengths, and we celebrate the wins while quietly burying the mistakes.
However, in the context of mentoring, this pursuit of perfection is a barrier. If a mentor appears to have glided from success to success without a single stumble, they become an intimidating figure rather than a supportive one. To build a truly transformative mentoring relationship, we must embrace the “Power of Imperfection.”
Mentoring is a Process, Not a Cure-All
It is a common pitfall to view mentoring as a “fix-it” shop; a place where a mentee brings a problem and the mentor provides the ready-made solution. But mentorship is a developmental journey, not a clinical intervention.
Because it is a process involving two complex human beings, it won’t always yield the expected results on the first try. A strategy that worked for the mentor ten years ago might fail the mentee today. A suggested networking approach might fall flat.
When we accept that mentoring isn’t a cure-all, we take the pressure off both parties. We transition from “finding the right answer” to “exploring the right path.” This shift allows for experimentation, where even a “failed” attempt becomes a rich data point for the next conversation.
As Harvard Business Review state, “mistakes are a part of business, just as they’re a part of life. And approaching mistakes with humility, transparency, and confidence takes practice, but it’s an invaluable skill”.
The “Expert” Trap vs. The Authentic Guide
“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes”- Oscar Wilde
Let’s be honest- when you are looking for a mentor you ideally want someone with plenty of experience around the situation, sector or challenge that you are dealing with. That means someone who has made plenty of mistakes.
When a mentor is open about their own mistakes and the challenges they’ve faced, it does three vital things:
- It Humanises Success: It shows the mentee that success isn’t the absence of failure, but the persistence through it.
- It Gives Permission to Fail: If the mentor can admit to a “monumental cock-up” early in their career, the mentee feels safe admitting they are struggling with a current project.
- It Models Resilience: The most valuable lesson a mentor can teach isn’t how to be right, but how to recover when you are wrong.
By sharing the “scars” as well as the “stars,” the mentor provides a roadmap for navigating the messy reality of a professional career.
Forbes put it well when they said that, “mistakes are inevitable and failing is a universal part of the human experience. The key is to acknowledge when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on — to understand that failure and mistakes are opportunities for learning, feedback and even creativity.”
Mentors and mentees who can fully embrace this mindset will find themselves getting far more out of the development process as they delve deeper and tap into real insights that last a lifetime.
Building a Foundation of Trust and Psychological Safety
For this level of honesty to exist, the relationship must be anchored in psychological safety. This is a shared belief that the relationship is a safe space for interpersonal risk-taking.
People Insight draw attention to the importance of psychological safety in ensuring, “employees feel that their mistakes will be seen as growth opportunities and not innately negative, they feel more confident in sharing bold, perhaps imperfect, ideas — and one of those innovative ideas could make all the difference to the future of a company.”
In much the same way, it is only by developing this sense of trust and safety as the foundation for the relationship that real growth and progress can be made.
- For the Mentor: It requires the vulnerability to say, “I actually struggled with that exact same thing, and I didn’t handle it well at first.”
- For the Mentee: It requires the courage to say, “I tried what we discussed, and it didn’t work. I’m feeling a bit lost.”
When both sides bring this level of openness to the table, the conversation shifts from superficial status updates to “real” talk. This is where the most profound growth happens. Trust is built in the moments where things don’t go according to plan, yet both parties remain committed to the learning process.
The Role of Mentor Training in Navigating the Hiccups
Being “imperfect” doesn’t mean being unprofessional or unprepared. In fact, sharing failures effectively requires a high degree of skill. This is where mentor training becomes essential.
Without proper training, a mentor might over-share in a way that burdens the mentee, or they might struggle to facilitate a “lesson learned” conversation when a mentee faces a setback. Quality training ensures that:
- Boundaries are maintained: Mentors learn how to share personal challenges in a way that serves the mentee’s growth, rather than just venting.
- Active listening is prioritised: Training helps mentors hear what isn’t being said, allowing them to probe gently when a mentee might be hiding a mistake out of shame.
- Progress is maintained: When a “hiccup” occurs (perhaps a missed session or a misunderstood piece of advice) trained mentors have the tools to address the friction sensitively and get the relationship back on track, rather than letting it derail.
Embracing the Journey
The goal of mentoring isn’t to create a carbon copy of the mentor. It is to help the mentee become the best version of themselves. This journey is naturally winding, occasionally bumpy, and frequently unpredictable.
By being honest about our imperfections, we move away from a transactional exchange of information and toward a transformational partnership. We acknowledge that we are all works in progress. And in that shared honesty, we find the most powerful catalyst for growth.
How can you start?
If you are currently in a mentoring partnership, try starting your next session by sharing one thing that hasn’t gone to plan this week. Notice how it changes the energy of the room. You might find that by lowering your guard, you raise the potential for what you can achieve together.
To learn more about how mentor training can help you develop your practice further, be sure to check out our Course Catalogue.