As part of our efforts to spread awareness about the importance of mentoring and the myriad forms it can take, we have created the Mentor Profile Project. Through this ongoing series we will be interviewing mentors from a wide variety of backgrounds to share their stories and experiences- the wins, the challenges, and the lessons learned along the way.
We were so excited to have the chance to talk with Erin about her experiences as a mentor, from her work with the NHS to her volunteering with Flourish Mentors. Her passion for supporting her mentees and encouraging young women to become their best selves were truly inspiring, and we are proud to share this interview to help others get an insight into the real practice, power, and potential of mentoring.
Read on to learn about how Erin makes a difference.
How long have you been a mentor?
I have worked in the NHS for the past 20 years, and before COVID we had started a mentoring programme. This is probably about 10 years ago- it was a while back.
With Flourish I’ve been mentoring Val, who is now 19, for just over 2 years. It’s supposed to run about a year to 2 years. I think we were originally paired up because she was studying to either go to med school or nursing school, and I work at the hospital. We laugh about it now, because as we got to know each other she identified as non-binary and queer, she’s an immigrant and I’m an immigrant (in terms of coming over from America), and we are both artists… I think what’s beautiful about the connection we’ve made is that it’s not just focused on ‘Ok, you want to be a nurse, let me help you do the right GCSEs etc’. But really, what she’s needed from me over the last 2 years has been emotional support; just supporting her to grow as a person.
What type of mentoring do you practice?
I did LGBTQIA+ mentoring at the local hospital trust in Brighton, where I am employed. That was work related volunteer mentoring, organised via our LGBTQIA+ Network and specifically for queer staff. So how they felt in the workplace, how they identified, how they could be their true authentic self within the post, because there was a lot of fear about being out and how that might stigmatise progression. That was probably my first introduction to formal mentoring outside of education. Whist doing my masters degree at NYU I was a teaching assistant which incorporated a lot of mentoring help to the undergrad students.
At work I received mentoring training via my employer and was matched to two members of staff and we met monthly which was great. Once COVID hit and I began working from home the programme ceased. I’m still friends with one of the people I mentored- we’re in touch- and the other person moved abroad.
I am now a volunteer mentor with Flourish Mentoring based in Brighton.
Flourish is a registered charity offering free wellbeing and mentoring support to young women aged 16-25 years in the Brighton & Hove area. They are proudly LGBTQIA+ inclusive and strive to empower young women and improve their mental health and wellbeing.
What’s great about Flourish is their provision of workshops for girls in the local schools on anxiety, depression and wellbeing. The founder Fred (Frederique) hosts drop in sessions and attendance is great – young women are keen to get information and support around exam stress, body image, anxiety, depression, social media, and all the stuff that they’re grappling with. The young women are invited to sign up to be mentees and there is no cost involved. Fred and her team then match the young women with the adult female mentors who volunteer their time.
What (if any) training have you completed/intend to undertake?
With the NHS programme we were all trained by someone from Brighton and Hove Council. The LGBTQIA+ Network at the hospital got the trainers in.
I remember being grateful that the hospital got funding to offer it to us because it was comprehensive training over a few months, and they encouraged us as mentors to meet up and support one another. We benefitted from learning what mentoring is and isn’t and as it was work based, around patient and staff confidentiality and so on. We would meet monthly, or bi-monthly, to then support one another with how we were finding it, which was really important because it’s not always straightforward and each case is different.
With Flourish we’ve had some training and governance days and there are monthly social meet up coffee mornings. The networking has been great. It is a lovely group of caring women who all wish to give something back. Most have grown up children.
Flourish has asked me to speak to the group, so in the last four months I have spoken to probably about 30 of our mentors about being queer and LGBTQIA+. Brighton’s very diverse and some were unsure of how to talk about the trans issue or individuals identifying as non-binary. I just talked about letting these young people be their true, authentic self, and that we as mentors just need to just listen and follow their cues.
What made you interested in becoming a mentor?
During COVID I started sea swimming to be able to get out of the house. One of the women who was in my sea swimming group mentioned Flourish Mentoring, which is the group I volunteer for now, which is how the introduction was made. I currently mentor one person. I had someone else, but that ended in December. I just got paired with my next mentee and we are arranging a time to meet up.
Flourish is an incredible charity to be part of. I feel really lucky that I saw the text and thought ‘I could do some more mentoring’ because it’s been a really nice addition to my life, and I’ve met some amazing mentors and I have a really special – hopefully life long -bond with my Mentee Val.
What is your favourite part about being a mentor?
Val is now part of my family. We’ve kind of laughed that we’re never going to get rid of each other. She’s an amazing 19 year old, and we’ll still reach out and contact each other probably every month.
I think the beauty of mentoring in this situation is it goes beyond career development or helping her choose the right classes, or the right school, or the best way to build your CV to get an interview. It’s about how to manage life at 19, how to deal with stresses of relationships, how to be your authentic self even though you come from a country and culture where being gay might be an issue and difficult to speak about. We talk about the day-to-day, what’s going on in her life… it’s incredibly rewarding for me as she is such a cool person with so much to give to society. She will be an incredible nurse!
What is a challenge you have faced whilst mentoring?
It’s not always straightforward and each case is different.
My mentee took time to divulge she was experimenting with self-harm; she’d had to take a few months to trust me. And then it was real. She was asking for help there. She was literally looking at me going ‘I don’t know what to do, but I think you are a person I can talk to.’ I was really taken aback. I asked if I could talk to Fred, who runs the charity and is a psychotherapist. I was able to get her support through Fred and they had a couple of sessions where they came up with some alternative strategies to cope with stress from studying.
My second mentee was a real learning curve for me- it was so complex and heartbreaking that I found it incredibly stressful. She was really introverted and neurodiverse. But I kept at it. The experience wasn’t as easy as with my previous mentee. I got some support from the young carer’s coordinator that works for the council as a liaison. I just didn’t know how to connect with her. I was a bit overwhelmed by the experience. She slowly came out of her shell, and we found something she was into – reptiles and we’ve done our year together, and I wish her the best of luck.
What piece of advice would you give to people thinking about being a mentor?
It’s very much not about you- it’s about them. I think the most important thing is to really listen, because there’s always a subtext as well.
Don’t overthink it- you have more to offer than you think you do, but it might not be the things you think you’re bringing to the table.
Give it a go because 9 times out of 10 it’s incredibly rewarding, and you’ll get as much out of it as they do. You’ll feel really good about yourself, it’s a great feeling to give back, especially to young women who need the support.
What are your plans for mentoring in the future?
My plan for the future is to definitely stay with Flourish and help them grow as a charity.
Flourish is always looking for more people, so I cast the net wide in terms of all the different women I work with locally at the hospital. I’ve picked up a couple of mentors there, my swimming group, a couple more artists, friends I know…
We’ve started a little subgroup for care informed mentoring and I’m going to run a fundraiser next International Women’s Day, because it will literally change lives. I’m white, educated, upper middle class from California; I’d never met anybody in care –it’s not something I was familiar with but I now know a mentor who was in care and she is doing incredible things. She is a real inspiration. And to hear how great it can be when they get it right, and how traumatising it can be when they get it severely wrong… I remember coming home and saying to my wife, just in floods of tears, ‘I have got to do something’. There’s been some really beautiful projects that have come out, and I’m so excited about that.
I have a 13-year-old daughter, so what’s fantastic about my relationship with my mentee Val, is that I’ve now introduced her to my daughter and they have each other’s numbers, and she’s basically casually mentoring her – giving her advice and pep talks. The three of us went to dinner about 2 weeks ago, and they just have this beautiful friendship. Maisie is 13, and Flourish mentors young people aged from 16 to 25, and I said maybe when you are 16 Val will be your mentor.
My daughter has epilepsy, so we have just started our own charity to support young people with epilepsy in Sussex. There isn’t anything here sadly, in Brighton, but there’s maybe about 400 kids and young people with epilepsy. We’ve started our own WhatsApp group with about 20 families, and we share information about medicines and supporting our kids and families. I already know, once we are up and running with the Charity Commission, that there’s all these other little pockets of help that I can get for the trustees to learn how to run a charity.
Every encounter I have, I’m a little more informed. I feel better about myself. Certainly, with all the young women I’ve met at Flourish, Val especially, I just feel better about the future. If there’s more young women like them, then we’re going to be OK.
If you would like to be a part of this project, don’t hesitate to get in touch via hello@thementoringschool.com
To learn more about how you can get started on your mentoring journey, click below: