Getting involved with a mentoring programme is a fantastic step to make, and as a mentee you should definitely be excited to get started! You’re about to engage with someone who wants to use their experience to help you work towards your goals.
But here’s a crucial insight: connecting with a mentor is only the first step. The real magic happens when you make the effort to be the kind of mentee who makes the experience rewarding for both of you.
Indeed, a study by University of Cambridge Judge Business School found that mentoring reduced anxiety and improved mental health for both mentors and mentees.
As such, the mentees who truly thrive – and whose mentors become their biggest champions – understand that the relationship is a two-way street. They don’t just show up; they show up ready.
Want to be sure that you are making the most of the opportunity? Here are four ways to be the best mentee you can.
1. Come Prepared (Always!)
This is arguably the most critical element of being an effective mentee. It’s important to remember that your mentor’s time is precious. Not making the effort to prepare for your sessions can give the impression that you don’t value their contribution.
In Practice:
- Set an Agenda: Before each meeting, send a brief email or message outlining 2-3 specific topics or questions you want to discuss. This allows your mentor to gather their thoughts or even prepare resources that could be useful for you.
- Do Your Homework: If your mentor suggested reading a book, researching a company, or exploring a concept, do it before your next session. Come ready to discuss your findings, not to admit you didn’t get around to it.
- Know Your Goals: What do you hope to achieve from this specific session, and from the mentoring relationship in general? Articulating this helps your mentor tailor their advice and ensures your discussions are always moving forward.
- Bring Updates: Briefly share any progress or challenges you’ve encountered since your last meeting, especially concerning actions you committed to taking.
Why it matters: Preparation shows respect for your mentor’s time and effort. It demonstrates your commitment to growth and makes the sessions productive and engaging, turning casual chats into high-impact dialogues.
2. Be Proactive, Not Passive
A mentor isn’t there to solve all your problems or hand you an achieved goal on a silver platter. They are there to guide you as you navigate your own path. The mentees who get the most out of the process are proactive problem-solvers who seek advice on how to approach challenges, rather than expecting solutions to be spoon-fed to them.
In Practice:
- Initiate Meetings (Respectfully): While your mentor might occasionally reach out, the onus is generally on the mentee to schedule sessions. Be flexible and offer times that work for their schedule as well as your own.
- Suggest Solutions, Then Ask for Feedback: Instead of just saying, “I have a problem with X,” try, “I have a problem with X, and I’ve considered doing A, B, or C. What are your thoughts on these options, or is there something else that you would suggest?”
- Seek Opportunities: Actively look for projects, courses, or networking events that align with your goals and bring them to your mentor for discussion or strategic input.
- Own Your Development: Recognise that your outcomes are ultimately your responsibility. Your mentor is a valuable resource, but they should not be the main driver of your journey.
Why it matters: Proactivity signals initiative and a strong work ethic. It shows your mentor that you’re engaged, self-motivated, and capable of thinking critically, all of which can help them to provide better guidance.
3. Be Open to Feedback (Even When It’s Tough)
The core purpose of mentoring is growth, and growth often requires confronting your blind spots. Your mentor will, at times, offer constructive criticism or perspectives that might challenge your existing views. The way you receive this feedback can make or break the relationship.
In Practice:
- Listen Actively: Avoid interrupting or immediately jumping to a defensive mindset. Truly listen to understand the perspective that they are sharing.
- Ask Clarifying Questions: “Can you give me an example of what you mean?” or “So, if I understand correctly, you’re suggesting X because of Y?” shows you’re trying to grasp the feedback, not deflect it. This also allows your mentor to get a better understanding of your thought process and so improve the way that points are communicated in the future.
- Show Gratitude: Thank your mentor for their honesty. It takes courage to give direct feedback, and acknowledging their effort reinforces their willingness to continue doing so.
- Reflect and Act: Don’t just hear the feedback; take the time to genuinely reflect on it. If it resonates, commit to making changes and update your mentor on your progress. If it doesn’t, try to identify why and then share this back.
Why it matters: Sharing feedback can be something that mentors are just as nervous about as you, particularly in the early stages of the relationship. Mentees who are coachable and receptive to feedback are a joy to work with. It shows a desire to learn, as well as confidence in your ability to improve, which encourages mentors to continue engaging with constructive honesty.
4. Follow Through on Commitments
Actions speak louder than words, especially in a mentoring relationship. If you and your mentor discuss a particular action plan or you commit to completing a task, following through is non-negotiable.
In Practice:
- Take Notes: Keep a record of discussions, advice, and, most importantly, any agreed-upon action items. This ensures you don’t forget what you committed to doing.
- Report Back: In your next session (or even a quick email in between), provide an update on how you implemented their advice or completed a task. Even if it didn’t go as planned, share the outcome and what you learned.
- Be Realistic: Don’t over-commit. If a suggestion feels overwhelming, discuss it openly rather than silently agreeing and then failing to deliver. It could be that the action could be broken down into more manageable steps, or a different approach explored.
- Show Tangible Results: Whenever possible, demonstrate how their advice led to a positive outcome or a new insight. This reinforces the value of their guidance.
Why it matters: Follow-through builds trust and validates your mentor’s investment. It proves you’re serious about your development and that their advice isn’t falling on deaf ears, inspiring them to offer even more support.
Closing Notes
Harvard Business Review reported that 89% of mentees go on to become mentors themselves, so ask yourself- are you being the type of mentee you would like to one day work with?
Being a mentee is an active role, not a passive one. By consistently demonstrating preparation, proactivity, openness, and follow-through, you won’t just benefit more from the relationship – you’ll become the kind of mentee that every mentor genuinely looks forward to working with, potentially forging a lifelong advocate and friend.
Next Steps
Clutterbuck found that 91% of mentoring relationships are effective when both mentors and mentees are trained, so learn more about how to get the most out of your mentorship with our free How To Be A Good Mentee mini-course.