So, you’ve successfully secured a mentor- huge congratulations! According to Forbes, 76% of people think mentors are important, but only 37% have one. This is an incredible opportunity for growth, learning, and supported long-term development.
But now the exciting/terrifying part: you’ve been told that an effective mentorship is mentee-driven, and that it’s your responsibility to “set the agenda.”
If you’re currently thinking, ‘Wait, I’m the one who needs advice, how can I be the one in charge?’ you’re not alone.
Many first-time mentees feel nervous about the pressure of performing, making a good impression, or simply figuring out what to ask. The good news? Taking control isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about asking the right questions and being proactive.
That is why we have put together this essential guide to confidently setting and managing the agenda for your mentorship journey. (There is even a key steps worksheet that you can download!)
Phase 1: Before the First Meeting – Gaining Clarity
Before you even book that first official session, you need to do a little internal homework. Being clear on your personal motivation will form the foundation of your agenda.
1. Know Your ‘Why’
Why did you seek a mentor? Be specific. Don’t settle for ‘I want to be better at my job.’ Dig deeper:
- What skill or knowledge gap do you need to fill? (e.g., ‘I need to learn how to manage upwards effectively’ or ‘I want to transition from a technical role into a leadership role.’)
- What specific, measurable outcome are you hoping for? (e.g., ‘Secure a promotion in the next 12 months’ or ‘Successfully lead one major cross-functional project.’)
- What fear or roadblock is currently holding you back? (e.g., ‘I’m terrified of public speaking’ or ‘I don’t know how to negotiate my salary.’)
2. Research Your Mentor
You picked them, or were matched with them, for a reason, right? Take a look at their LinkedIn profile, read any articles they’ve written, and note down their career trajectory.
- Identify areas of overlap: Where does your ‘why’ intersect with their expertise? This will help you frame your questions to tap into their unique knowledge.
- Prepare some praise (briefly): Having a genuine, specific compliment ready (e.g., “I was particularly inspired by how you navigated the acquisition at X company…”) is a great way to kick off the relationship and show you genuinely value their expertise.
3. Draft Your Initial ‘Mission Statement’
Your mission statement is a short paragraph that defines the relationship’s purpose, scope, and duration.
Example: “Over the next six months, I want to use our sessions to focus on developing my strategic thinking and networking skills, specifically aiming to secure a place on the company’s Leadership Development Programme by the end of Q2. I’m hoping to meet monthly for 45 minutes.”
This draft is a perfect focus for the first conversation.
Phase 2: The First Meeting – Having the Agenda Conversation
The first session is less about getting advice and more about setting expectations. Think of it as establishing your partnership charter.
1. Propose, Don’t Prescribe
When you share your initial draft agenda, use inclusive language. Instead of saying, “We must meet every month,” try, “I was hoping we could aim for a 45-minute call once a month, but I’m completely open to what works best for your schedule.”
2. Cover the Three Ps
Make sure you jointly agree on these logistical and strategic points:
| P | What to Discuss | Key Question to Ask |
| Purpose | What are the core goals, challenges, and focus areas? | “Based on my goals, what do you think would be the most effective use of our time together?” |
| Pace & Logistics | How often will you meet, for how long, and via what method (video, phone, in-person)? | “What frequency and format work best for your schedule? I’m flexible.” |
| Preparation | What is the expectation for preparation before each meeting? | “I plan to always send a few talking points/questions 48 hours before we meet. Is there anything else you’d like me to prepare?” |
3. Ask for Their Experience
Your mentor may have mentored others before, or even been mentored themselves at some point. If the arrangement is part of a programme, they also should have received training for taking up the role. Tap into that experience!
- “What do you feel makes a mentorship successful from your perspective?”
- “What’s the one thing you find most helpful from your mentees?”
They may raise a point you hadn’t considered but could really benefit from. It also helps establish the relationship as a two-way street from the get-go, which can help keep both of you proactively engaged in the process for the long-term.
Phase 3: Using Your Agenda Moving Forward
The agenda isn’t a single document; it’s a living blueprint for the relationship. Every time you meet, you are continuing to drive and develop its content.
1. The 3-Part Pre-Meeting Email
The biggest mistake a mentee can make is showing up and saying, “So, what should we talk about today?”
Always send a brief agenda email 24-48 hours ahead of time. Structure it clearly:
- Follow-up/Update: Briefly share the results of the action points from your last meeting. Show them that their advice was heard and applied. (e.g., “Following your advice, I delivered the presentation and got great feedback on my opening. Thank you!”)
- The Main Focus: A few specific questions or a defined scenario you want to work through. (e.g., “I’m stuck between two job offers—one for stability, one for growth. I’d love your advice on how to weigh risk vs. reward.”)
- Action Plan/Homework: A concluding sentence requesting specific homework or next steps. (e.g., “My main action point for next time will be to draft a business case for the new project. Could we review it in our next session?”)
2. Adapt As Needed
You may have initially planned to discuss ‘Leadership,’ but now you’ve been given an unexpected task that requires ‘Crisis Management.’ It is okay to pivot!
Your agenda should be a guide, not a straitjacket. Don’t be afraid to email your mentor and say, “A big challenge has come up that needs my immediate attention. I’d like to change our focus for tomorrow’s call from our planned topic to seeking your advice on navigating X scenario. Is that okay?”
A good mentor will appreciate your adaptability and honesty.
3. The Importance of Action Points
A mentorship session should not end with a nice chat. It should end with 1-3 clear, specific action points you are personally committed to completing.
Write them down, send them to your mentor immediately after the call as a summary, and hold yourself accountable. The act of doing this shows professionalism and commitment, and it helps the mentor see the tangible impact of their time and effort.
In Summary: Your Mindset is Everything
| Avoid… | Embrace… |
| Passive Receiver: “I’m here to receive wisdom.” | Active Partner: “I’m here to engage and execute.” |
| Vague Goals: “I want to be successful.” | Specific Goals: “I want to solve X problem by Y date.” |
| “What should I talk about?” | “I need advice on [specific action/choice].” |
| It’s a one-way street. | It’s a two-way investment (their time, your effort). |
Your mentor has signed up to support your development. By taking charge of the agenda, you show respect for their valuable time and ensure that every conversation is directly contributing to your success.
Step up, be proactive, and enjoy the incredible journey ahead!
Click here to download your free How To Set The Agenda As A Mentee worksheet.
To learn more about how to get the most out of being a mentee, be sure to check out our free mini-course: How To Be A Good Mentee